We are born with the capacity to continuously evolve and grow throughout our lives. When things happen in life, we, as organisms, are really good at adjusting ourselves in creative ways in order to cope with imminent difficulties and challenges and in order to maintain continuous connection with others. These coping skills we develop are protective mechanisms called “creative adjustments.”
The flow of our growth, however, can be inhibited if our coping skills are not properly adjusted to handle certain situations at hand. For example, people often learn to hold themselves back when their familial and societal environment does not embrace them for whom they are as individuals. At this time, it makes sense for them to hold themselves back in order to be accepted by others. However, this restraint that they learn to put on themselves becomes their default over time and can lead them to chronically hold themselves back. They know that what they keep doing no longer quite works, but they do not know how else to do it. Probably you can relate to this feeling of being stuck.
Furthermore, when people go through traumatic experiences or receive severe disapproval from others, a part of them becomes deeply wounded. In order to be accepted by others and in order to avoid getting hurt again, people desperately attempt to make creative adjustments, which can result in severe debilitation of one’s growth. They incessantly think about negative futures and prepare for worst-case scenarios. They numb their feelings of shame with alcohol and food. They become workaholics to forget the painful memories. Some do not allow themselves to get too close to others while some fear being on their own.
While all of these creative adjustments are various modes of survival mechanisms and protect us from getting hurt or abandoned, they can interrupt the flow of our growth. While appreciating the creative adjustments that helped you survive and honoring the legacy of your survival, I would like to help you heal the part of you that got wounded during this process, help you nurture your internal resources, and help you develop new methods of survival, so that the healthy optimal flow of your growth can be restored.